Jumping the Cliff

Within the past four years my life has taken a big turn. I was a happily married business owner who never imagined that I would be now telling you this story. Even though my marriage was stale and my happiness was only based in external things, I loved my life. My husband and I were no longer in love with each other but there was respect; therefore I learned to settle for that. I couldn’t see myself as a single mother. However, regardless our efforts to work out our differences through a marriage counselor, it was my spouse the who told me one day that he wanted to get divorced.

I was hurt and felt abandoned, but I knew that I wasn’t the only woman going through this. Therefore, I went on with my life trying very hard to heal any resentment this caused. Shortly after that, the economy began to decline, and challenging circumstances affected my business in a negative way. In spite of how hard I tried to turn my business around, a couple of years later I had no choice but to close my beautiful store. Not only could I not make my business profitable, but I also lost most of my savings.

Accepting that life was giving me an opportunity to start a new chapter, I went through an entire year surviving different and difficult challenges. My financial situation didn’t get any better, and fear penetrated in the deepest corner of my being. I realized that as I allowed fear to consume me, my self-confidence vanished. A whispering judgmental voice coming from my ego made me think I was a loser.

On New Year’s Day, I declared no more difficulties and vowed that only good things would come my way. However, a few weeks ago I got the disturbing news that my house is about to foreclose. As I am pausing to hear my inner self tell me you are no victim, a river of tears is inundating my eyes because there is a part of me that feels so tired of the struggle. God is always in you, but you must acknowledge this. I heard a resonating voice that vibrated all over me. When I am in a state of gratitude and allowance, I see myself appreciating the moment because even though we are always in the future or the past, the truth is that only the now is what really exists. The rest are illusions that we store as memories or projections.

Regardless of my present circumstances, my inner being told me to smile as much as I can. Even though there is a part of me that wants me to cry instead, it is in the smile where I will be able to find the answers to my prayers. Find the joy in the midst of your crisis. I heard my inner voice whisper, promising me that when I let go and jump the cliff, that’s when I will wake up from this dream where fear and stress have become the main factors.

I don’t know what is going to happen about my house, but I have decided to listen to the loving voice that wants to keep me in high spirits. Therefore, surrendering to the unknown, I ask God to take all my fears away. Instead of dwelling in an uncertain and unknown future, I choose to move forward with a smile in this precise moment of the life I wish to live. Real joy comes from within and not from external things. So I look back and smile at life because of this incredible lesson that is forcing me to jump the cliff.