Immigrant Parents Inspired High Expectations

From the moment we give birth the questions bombard us. "Will I do this right?  Will I be a good parent? How can I manage all this?" Parenting  is filled with never-ending questions, and the journey is a work in progress for both parents and children.

After reading about Amy Chua aka the "Tiger Mother," who is raising two daughters in New Haven, CT, I again reflected on how I was raised and how I’m raising my three children.

In fact, I’ve been thinking about this for over 16 years. I wrote the book "The Momager Guide: Empowering Moms to Leave a Loving Legacy" to redefine mothering.

As a first-generation American I was raised by immigrant parents from Italy. They held Italian family values yet desperately wanted us to be "American."  What that translated into was a mixture of language, values and a collision of cultural and parenting styles.

Our home life was filled with plenty of passion and hard work. As a young 8-year- old girl I began helping my dad work in construction. With each passing year the responsibility and work became steadily harder. By the college years our seven- member family worked together and built a townhouse project – we even have a street named after us. Many important lessons were learned about creating a vision, hard work and team work. I learned you can create anything you can imagine.

My college years were filled with a full case load of classes and the expectation was I did my best always. On top of school I worked two or three jobs (to pay for college) and on the weekend worked in construction. I was expected to be a leader and also managed to be a class officer. By my senior year I was president of a sorority and involved in many clubs.

My parents were workaholics. Us kids were workaholics.

The joy of being a parent now is I get to create the type of family I want. I don’t have to follow in my parents footsteps. I have choices to make. So do you.

What kind of family environment are you creating? We have chosen a more balanced lifestyle. My husband and I have spent many years discussing our definition of success. Here it is: We raise healthy, loving, well-rounded people who are living their God-given plan.

This article begs us to ask more questions: What is your parenting leadership style? Are you strict, overly controlling and forceful or lenient and a push over?  Or are you in the middle and change based on the situation?

Our parenting style is to be empowering. Our goal is to live and leave a loving legacy. This means we teach our kids by example and provide an environment where they can grow and develop the skills they need to be successful.

What is your definition of success?  What type of home life environment do you want to create?  The Chinese mom controversy gives us the opportunity to reassess our definition of success, our hopes and dreams for our kids, and evaluate how we’re doing as parent leaders. Please add your comments below.

Editor's note: As owner of Training Solutions International since 1993, Christine Martinello is a recognized expert in leadership, life balancing and Momager® (Mom & Manager) topics. She is the best-selling author of "The Momager® Guide: Empowering Moms to Leave a Loving Legacy." Christine also publishes the monthly Empowering Leaders Newsletter. On a personal note, Christine has been married to Bob since 1992 and is a Momager® (Mom and Manager) of three teens. David is 16 years old, Tina Rose is 14, and Steven is 13.  (Yes, that’s three kids in 3½ years!) Christine’s life goal is to “educate and empower others so they live and leave a loving legacy.”